Musings as a new Mum...

Rifling through my bag looking for my purse I first come across a tiny pair of socks just big enough to fit my large toe with Paddington Bear printed on them, a muslin for cleaning up baby sick (used), and a pretty green and pink floral baby rattle. I find my purse eventually.

I still couldn't tell you what day of the week it is half the time, never mind what date it is. If I've forgotten your birthday/anniversary/anything important I hope you'll forgive me. And if I've remembered it give me a round of applause!

No wonder the military uses sleep deprivation as a form of torture, it really is very effective at messing with your head. I'm still working out the balance between sleeping when Sophia is sleeping and doing the mountain of things that are starting to bank up with no one to hand them over to. I always catch at least one of her naps, it is often the difference between sanity and a tearful exhausted wreck, but I do need to sleep more and do less. God help me if I don't get any of her naps because I've been away from home, it's not a pretty sight that evening.

Life is entirely unpredictable and I have embraced it. Will Sophia feed every hour or every three hours today? How much sleep will she have? How much sleep will I get? When will I be able to shower? How long will it take me to eat my lunch today in between feeds, nappy changes, comforting, cuddling? When will I be able to duck online to check my email and read a news website (so I feel vaguely in touch with the outside world)? We make plans for the next day knowing that they might well be jettisoned when we wake up in the morning. Sophia has had a cold for a week so I've cancelled a few things and we spent several days on the sofa or in bed cuddling, feeding, snuggling, smooching, keeping her physically and emotionally close, loved and cared for.

Caring for a baby isn't just about meeting their physical needs, for me it's about being in the moment with her, giving her my full, undivided attention as often as I can and not being distracted by other things when she is in my arms. I want her to know that I am there for her, always.

When your child recognises and smiles at you, nothing comes close to the heart-melting beauty of that moment. Other people might be able to care for your baby, but you are the Mum, and you will always be the Mum, and no one can take that away from you. For the rest of my life I am a mother to my child. It's awesome :)