Random musings of a still-new Mum...

I used to change my top every time I got baby chuck on it. Now I wipe it, see how much is left and whether it will be noticeable when it dries. I usually leave it on!

I have discovered a hitherto unrealised talent of song writing - I can make up a song about anything to entertain Sophs ('this is the way we put on your sock, put on your sock, to keep your little feet warm; sleep sophia, time for sleep, safe in mummy's arms, safe in daddy's arms, sleep now sleep; Mr Giraffe is saying hello HI to his little friend HI') - ok, so I won't be winning any Novellos!

I can now change a pooey nappy with less than 50 wet wipes and only one 'oh my god this is so gross!'.

I have reserves of patience when Sophs cries that I never knew existed. I am very lucky that she is not a colicky baby and generally only cries when she is hungry, hot/cold, bored or overtired.

I've become one of those people I used to hate. I met a dear friend for lunch in Picadilly today and we went to a lovely Italian restaurant filled with suits and business lunchings. Sophs was a perfect little darling winning over the waiting staff and fellow diners with her little coos and grins, until it all became a little too much stimulation. She goes from zero to IT'S ALL TOO MUCH I'M TIRED MAKE IT GO AWAY NOW in about 10 seconds and I could see it coming. Half the problem is she now finds the world such an interesting place she just doesn't want to sleep as much, even when I can see she is getting tired and should be taking a kip - she often won't have a bar of it and protests with a specific 'raaaar come and get me' yell! So in the restaurant she ramped it up to maximum volume and reached her crescendo in heart breaking sobs , which is when I know she's not far off sleep - she usually drops off to sleep almost mid-scream. I knew I had to wait it out and hope it was a short one. It was only 5 minutes, but I could feel the stares of the other patrons boring into my back (oh she's a BAD mother, she can't comfort her child). I felt sorry for them having to listen to Sophs for about a minute then thought sod them, Sophs isn't doing this to wind them up, and I got on with calmly trying to soothe her. Sure enough after about 5 long minutes she dropped into a deeeeeeep sleep in my arms. Bless.

We had a comedy moment on the train home. (Well, I had to find the humour in it!) I'd moved Sophs to the baby carrier as it was heading on for cactus hour and she's less grumpy if she can watch the world go by from the warmth of my body rather than in her stroller. About half way home I heard a familiar little grunting noise emanating from the little person strapped to my chest, and looked down to see a bright red face and look of intense concentration, which preceded the almighty noisy evacuation of her bowels. I couldn't get her back into her stroller fast enough!

Smiles, gurgles, coos, it's an exciting time with Sophs blossoming from newborn to little person more and more each day. Today she picked up her rattle for the first time, held onto it while waving it around, then let it go, and now that she knows how to hold onto things everything within range is being gripped!

Being a Mum is the hardest thing I have ever done, ever. I have so much respect for new Mums now and what they go through. The first few weeks are such a steep learning curve whilst being more exhausted than you knew was possible, but you do quickly build confidence e.g. you can change a nappy in under 5 minutes and no longer put it on back to front; you can dress your baby without feeling like you're going to break their arms in doing so; you remember to put the nappy on before putting the sleepsuit on; you can read a magazine whilst breastfeeding because you and your baby have worked out what to do now; you can get out of the house in under ten minutes with only one large bag full of baby stuff. I'm still learning how to be a mother, and I'm still not getting enough sleep, and I'm still working out who I am and how the pieces of my new life fit together. Some days I miss my old life, how comparatively easy it was being able to do what I wanted when I wanted how I wanted, not having to think about anyone other than me. But for now my life is in orbit around another precious little being and it has taken some major adjustments but I think we are getting there.

My daughter brings me so much joy. When she smiles because she has seen me it is such a wonderful moment. When we have a conversation of coos and aaahhhs it fills me with lightness and happiness and laughter. When she falls asleep in my arms and snuffles gently against my neck, I am filled with contentment. It might be the most difficult thing I've ever attempted, but it's also the most incredible and rewarding.