If I had to give this post a name it would be 'very tired but VERY happy'! My life as a new Mum consists simply of not knowing what the day, or night, will bring, and learning to live with whatever my precious daughter needs at that moment in time. It is certainly not easy, but Sophia and I are starting to learn from each other, and I can now readily distinguish her 'feed me now please Mummy' urgent cry from other grizzly little sounds. She's the most beautiful little girl, Stu and I still can't believe how lucky and blessed we are to have her. She has turned our lives upside down, and we are still very much getting used to each other, but I'd say we are settling in really well overall.

I'm thinking about having a baby book bonfire, as they all seem to talk about this average baby who I am certain does just not exist. Sophia sometimes goes as little as 30 minutes between feeds, or as long as 5 hours. The past few days have been a more demanding regime of every 1 - 2 hours, and I feed her as she needs it. Yes, SHOCK, Jodie is demand-feeding her baby. Not very in vogue I know, all these routines you can try to get your baby on from the age of one week. I tried one of them vey briefly in which you space feeds by allowing 'spaced soothing' (read controlled crying, I don't care what they call it). I ended up crying as much as Sophia did after about one minute and profusely apologised to her, it just felt SO so wrong to leave my tiny sweetheart to cry out for food. She wasn't faking her hunger, I had the only thing that could nourish her and quench her thirst, so that's it with the routines for now. I am going to savour her falling asleep in my arms ("oh you should never do that, then they'll always expect it"), taking her into bed with me for a nap every other day ("oh my another bad habit you'll have to undo"), and feeding her when she is hungry. Not when she cries, but when she is hungry. I am learning that sometimes babies just cry. You change their nappy, you feed them, you burp them, you make sure they aren't too hot or cold, but sometimes they still just cry, so you pat and rock and walk and make reassuring little shhhhhshhhhhshhhhh noises until sleep finally comes along to soothe them. Unsolicited advice from every corner be damned. We will learn our way, in our own time, as we are our own people with our own relationships between us.

Sometimes I get as little as 3 hours broken sleep a night, sometimes as much at 5 or 6 hours in a row (now they are the ones I like!). This is life with a newborn, and it was never going to be a sleep-filled easy ride; it's quite the challenge at times. But Stu and I are so enjoying our little family, and are slowly adjusting to our new schedule. Stu has taken care of Sophs twice while I visited the osteopath and has the magic touch when it comes to settling her. Sometimes with me she'll keep just this side of the deep quiet sleep, but hand her to Stu and she's out for the count! He's brilliant with her. My wonderful husband and friend also sometimes takes her for a night feed when I'm getting too tired (I'm expressing milk into bottles) which allows me a few more hours of rest. Mornings are the best, afternoons can start to get tiring if I don't get to sleep when Sophs does (still working on this!) and evenings can be a right b*tch depending on how much sleep I've had during the night before and the during the day. Sleep deprivation really does mess with your head!! But, in the middle of it, sometimes in the middle of tears of tiredness, I can and do still remember somewhere deep down that in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, 'tomorrow is another day'. I know that come the dawn we'll have a new day and the mad moment I am in will be gone.

Stu is back at work next week for 2 weeks, before having another 2 weeks leave which I am already looking forward to. I am a little apprehensive but also a little bit looking forward to Stu going back to work, as it has been looming large with every passing day, and the only way I'll know how Sophia and I will get along just the two of us is by doing it. I think we'll be a-ok once we find our own rhythm. I've so far pretty much banned visitors as I recover, but next week I have lined up a few people to come and be with me a while on different days.

So, that's us! If I don't return your call or your email very quickly please forgive me, I'll get there! If I can do one or two non-baby things a day I consider that a major achievement. And this blog entry has been one of them!