Sometimes I'd swear there is a huge global conspiracy amongst women not to tell anyone exactly what pregnancy is really like (and probably childbirth and motherhood for that matter!) for fear that no one else will actually go through with it! There have been so many things that I had no idea that happened during the various stages of pregnancy, but when you ask other women, or search on the internet, they are actually quite common! For example no one told me:
- how utterly totally exhausting the first trimester (and longer) is. Like, 'fall asleep in the ladies at work in the afternoon' exhausting. Sloths have more energy and move more quickly than you do some days.
- what an total emotional rollercoaster pregnancy is, with all those hormonal changes you can sob your heart out inconsolably one day and be on cloud nine the next, all for no apparent reason. Generally you're more teary and sensitive than you used to be. Which for us tough cookies is, on occasion, quite embarrassing, crying when watching cute puppies on TV ads.
- bodily fluids. I won't go into too much detail on this other than to say you can leak some weird sh*t long before the baby shows up. And there's only so many times you can glance down at your shirt in a business meeting and hastily 'spill' some of your coffee down your shirt in a futile attempt to cover up what's already there before relenting and stuffing your already huge bras with more padding to prevent future leakages in important meetings.
- Increases in bust size. Like I wasn't big enough already. 3 bra sizes = very sore back.
- Leg cramps. What the? They damn well HURT and wake you up at 3am for no apparent reason. Is it the extra weight you're carrying around? Who knows? But dragging yourself cursing out of bed to put your hefty bodily weight onto a spasming calf muscle to convince it to unclench sooner rather than later HURTS. And yes I'm sure childbirth hurts more but I'm not there yet so let me whinge now about what does hurt!
- Itchy skin. Doesn't matter how much moisturiser I put on my legs, the second I get into bed they itch like crazy. Drives me bananas.
- Morning sickness. I am one of the lucky small percentage of women who didn't have any morning sickness at all, when I thought everyone got it! Nada, nothing, zip. I am thankful for this merciful lack of sickness, believe you me!
- Skin discolouration. What on earth this has to do with the baby I don't know but my face has patches of two tonal skin on it, which apparently will disappear in the weeks after birth.
- Aching: legs, back, shoulders, neck, ankles, feet, actually where don't I ache??
- Peeing every 5 minutes. I swear I now know where every public toilet in London is.
- Weird dreams. Seriously weird dreams. So weird I'm not even going to begin to describe them!

This is all slightly tongue in cheek, as I know I am very lucky to have had a relatively uneventful pregnancy and to have a baby growing healthily inside of me. I've not had to be hospitalised along the way, I've not had any of the more severe debilitating side effects of pregnancy, and every time I feel my baby kick inside me it makes me feel like nothing I've ever felt before. I'll take whatever the pregnancy throws at me if it means my little one is healthy at the end of it all when I get to hold him or her in my arms for the first time.